Selling Oddities

Good old Dhaka is the bustling metropolis where people from all over Bangladesh come to better their living standard and sometimes merely to survive. They come and settle in Dhaka despite the tough struggle that it offers them. In this cruel city, eking out a livelihood is tough for the commoners but somehow people here find something to earn a living. Some of their jobs are tricky; others are so pastoral that they form incongruous contrasts in this rather cosmopolitan city.While moving around Gulistan we met this charming man with a parrot in his hand and some mysterious cards and entrails in the front. If you pay some money to this parrot tied to a cage, the wise bird will drag a card with its tough beak and throw it to you. You obviously find some assuring words written in that card. The bird is “wise” of course as it has been highly trained by the soothsayer to pick the card appropriately and throw to the client. Bishu, the soothsayer, is quite happy with his work. He says, “This is just for entertainment. I am not claiming that my parrot can tell your fortune.” Thanks to his avian employee, Bishu has quite a good lot of customers interested to know their fate. Bishu says that he and his bird have been featured in some television dramas. So if you want your luck tested by a wise parrot you can meet Bishu on the pavement near Gulistan. Animal rights activists may also want to visit him for caging some beautiful parrots in such a manner and also for running a business like this.The Milkman of Ramna If you are a regular morning walker at Ramna Park you obviously have come across Ajit Ghosh offering fresh and skimmed milk. Carrying jars, he regularly comes to Ramna to nourish the health conscious people. The process of preparation of skimmed milk is as ancient as the history of Bangladesh. Shaking skimmed milk with two glasses and by adding sugar Ajit offered his preparation of skimmed milk to us. It was very soothing. While asking about his profession he said that he is a milkman by his caste. His ancestors were also milkman. He has cows in his home and he and his wife prepare this skimmed milk. Each day he sells almost 200 glasses of skimmed milk. He is quite familiar with his regular customers. He also delivers milk in many houses of his area. His customers trust him for his pure and fresh skimmed milk.The Bakarkhani BakersAnwar’s TaleMoneypenny

Do you want to buy taka with taka? Sounds fishy, doesn’t it? But if a torn and damaged 500 TK note is passed onto you or if you want to cheer your 5-year-old daughter up with an Eid salami of new, freshly printed bank notes, what will you do? Going to the bank and standing in the long queue is one way but this is not feasible for everyone. The other way is to go to the ‘money traders’ in Gulistan, collect freshly printed bank notes from the central bank in exchange of damaged and mutilated bank notes. The fee is nominal, and it depends on the amount of money to be exchanged. Some of these people are also expert in detecting counterfeit bank notes and coins. If you are a numismatologist or if coin collection is your hobby, you should visit one of these roadside shops. Some of these vendors have a good collection of rare and ancient foreign and Bangladeshi currencies. Shumon, one of the vendors, says, “You see, we are out in the street, doing business, while we should be busy with our studies in college. I have searched for many jobs. Now that I have to earn a leaving trading in banknotes, I don’t feel bad, but things could have been a lot better.” Shumon, a young man from Noakhali, has been in this line for last eight years. Business is usually quite dull, but presently he and other vendors are doing a brisk business thanks to the coming Eid-ul-Adha.If you enter into the General Post Office (GPO) premises you will meet Anwar waiting with his packing instruments. GPO is the country’s largest post office where hundreds of people come to send gifts and letters to their loved ones. Anwar earns his bread by packing these gifts and other such objects. We find him busy in packing a parcel with great care. After completing the task, which seemed quite laborious, he talks to us about his life and work. We ask him why he has chosen packing other’s stuff as a profession. He then tells us about his previous profession which he left a few moons ago–finding no other suitable work, he at first chose letter writing as his career. He used to sit at a small table beside the GPO office to write letters on behalf of those who could not read or write. His fee was very nominal but he used to enjoy his job at that time by inscribing another person’s mind in his own words. But with the advent of cell phone, he had to quit his job as there weren’t enough customers. Now he packs other’s gifts and presents. How is he doing? He is struggling to make ends meet as he has two school-going children. Be that as it may, the young man doesn’t lose hope. With a beaming smile he says, “When I think that I am ensuring security to other’s valuable property and their gifts to their dearest ones I feel happy with my work.”The Soothsayer and his Parrot

Bakarkhani, a legendary food of old Dhaka, is quite popular among Dhaka foodies. There are a handful of bakeries in old Dhaka that only bake Bakarkhani following the age old traditional method. Bakarkhani is a special type of bread baked inside tandoor oven. To maintain the age old tradition they never bake any other food products.
Every Bakarkhani bakers knows the legend behind this delicacy. Once upon a time there was a king named Aga Bakir. He fell in love with a beautiful dancing girl called Khani. But another evil king Jainul abducted Khani. Bakir chased Jainul. Seeing no hope Janinul killed Khani. After reaching the spot Aga Bakir saw his beloved dying, seeing which he became almost insane. It was he who named a special type of bread his cook had baked, “Bakarkhani”. Respecting this immortal love story, the bakers of old Dhaka are still baking this very special type of crispy bread. Hamza the baker tells us that baking Bakarkhani what his ancestors have been doing. He is maintaining this line and hopes that this is what his children too will do in the future .A chattering crowd mobs a cycle van. The owner of the van is Jalil, a peddler selling beautiful birds, rabbits, pet food and cages. He has a variety of pigeons, love birds, some cute rabbits and various types of pet foods. He collects them from the wholesale market in Kamrangir Char and sells it in the residential areas of Dhaka. Most of his customers are children and teenagers. He is rather busy in managing the crowds so that interested buyers can examine his animals without any hassle. He says that selling and maintaining living beings is a difficult job. He needs to feed them regularly to keep them looking good. Business remains good as Mohsin probably is the only person dealing in pets in the Islampur area.

Our Traditional Carrier
It is indeed quite long ago that horse cart of various types and carriages were the only mode of transport in Dhaka. Even 40 or even 50 years ago these carts were visible in all the main streets of Dhaka. But now these traditional horse carriages look as feeble as the horses that draw them. The route of this traditional career is now confined to Gulistan to Sadarghat. But due to its traditional flavour they are frequently used in ceremonial rallies. In Gulistan, we talk to coachman Mohsin. He has two horses named Bahadur (the Hero) and Tufan (the storm). Each carriage needs one coachman and two groomers for the two horses. Mohsin has great respect for his master coachman. He always recites the name of his guru before harnessing the horses. According to him driving a horse cart through the busy streets of Dhaka is very hard. But he wants to continue doing it as he loves this work and his horses.The Buriganga is the life line of Dhaka. But with pollution and waste disposal we have almost killed this river. The waters of Buriganga have become black thanks to the poisonous chemicals dumped by nearby factories. Once Buriganga was a bountiful source of fish and fresh water, and there were many fishing villages on the bank of the river. With mass urbanisation and pollution, these fishermen have had to leave these areas. So, when we meet one of the last descendants of Buriganga fisherman we are naturally surprised. We ask them about their work. One of the fishermen says that he and one of his neighbours are still into fishing. The catch is not good. Fish can only be found after the rainy season. With such a small catch, he can sell only a little after. He does another job during the dry season– ferrying people by boat from one side of the river to the other. But he also says that he will never leave the Buriganga as he regards it as his mother.

Dhaka is the melting pot of all the cultural specialities of Bangladesh. The tradition of old Dhaka and cultures of the rest of the country have set a new dimension in the livelihood of its citizen. The rapid change of the country’s economic situation is also a contributing factor, but the innovative and unusual profession of its citizens will always make this city more charming than many others of the world.

THE FACES OF INDEPENDENT FILm

Bangladeshi commercial films are often associated with shabby camerawork, unprofessional direction, exaggerated acting and of course garish costumes. Recently, however, there has been a wind of change. Young filmmakers, eager to prove that filmmaking in Bangladesh need not be limited to budget, sets and stars, are defying conventions to create something original. These filmmakers don’t let financial constraints and market demands hold them back; their goal is to make creative and aesthetically rich films, and they know the way to go to achieve this goal. the Star spoke to some young, independent filmmakers (shorts, documentaries and features) to understand how independent films can pave a new path for the Bangladeshi film industry. 

From Good to Terrible
Seeing the deplorable state of Bangladeshi films since time immemorial, it would not be wrong of the present generation to question the claims of our elders’ assertions of a golden age of films in this region. The truth is that, till the 1980′s, the Bangladeshi film industry was acclaimed for its commercial and alternative ventures that brought forward fresh visions and ideas.
“The days of social realism in celluloid during the ’60s are now gone. Gone are the days of – ‘Titas Ekta Nadir Naam’ (1973). ‘Surjo Dighal Bari’ (1979) was perhaps the last of the Mohicans. In a poor third world country like ours, government being the most potent social organisation, the responsibility of this failure falls much on the government,” filmmaker Tanvir Mokammel has said in his essay ‘Problematics of Alternative Cinema in Bangladesh: An Introspection.’
Unfortunately for cine-lovers in Bangladesh, after a point, commercial filmmakers in Bangladesh began to follow the route laid out by their counterparts in neighbouring India. Crass, mass pleasing films, that were made and shown for the sole purpose of raking in the money, began to rule the roost. Constant development was no longer a priority; business maximisation was the only thing that mattered.“When Hiralal Sen produced the first film of undivided Bengal in 1901, no one instructed him about the story, no one told him that the characters of his film had to be sketched in a particular manner or that there needed to be a set amount of elements in his films. Hiralal made his movies in his own way without feeling constrained by demands and wants of a second party,” says noted filmmaker Manjare Hassin Murad.

Ironically, while our filmmakers continue to produce the same formulaic films with the same plot of a hero, heroine, villain, some songs and dance sequences often copied from Indian films, the cinematic landscape of our neighbours has undergone a massive change over the last few years. Indian filmmakers have successfully managed to integrate commercialism with intelligent filmmaking, breaking away from the stereotypes that were beginning to define them. While Indian filmmakers are striving to make a mark for themselves globally, commercial filmmakers in Bangladesh hold on adamantly to obsolete techniques of filmmaking.

The Seeds of Independent Filmmaking
The tradition of filmmaking in this region was very independent in nature. Films, in the beginning, were released as an expression of an individual’s creativity, a visual testament of their artistic vision. Over the years, films became a platform for revolution. Filmmakers took to films to narrate the struggles faced by the Bangla speaking population in the hands of then West Pakistan. The cry for liberation was evident in every cultural form, whether it is books, films or music. Filmmakers like Zahir Raihan made optimum use of their films to state their rebellion against the Pakistani regime. By rejecting the conventions and rules set by the regime, filmmakers of that time declared their independence from the oppressive government.
“If we were to look at films that went against the rules prescribed by the government then Zahir Raihan’s documentary ‘Stop Genocide’, released in 1971, would definitely be the first independent film of our country. This documentary was the first political and independent film of our liberated country in every which way, be it in terms of direction, artistic vision, production design, capital or technology. It also forced the expatriate government of Bangladesh staying in India to fund three other documentaries to gather worldwide support against Pakistan,” says Murad.

While Zahir Raihan was the pioneer in using film as a medium to gather support for the Liberation War, filmmaker Alamgir Kabir was instrumental in keeping the spirit of independent filmmaking alive with his short films such as ‘Liberation Fighter’, ‘Amara Duijon’ and ‘Ek Shagor Rokter Binimoye’ and feature films like ‘Dhire Bahe Meghna and ‘Surya Kanya’, adds Murad.

The Creative Duo
A chance meeting at an acting workshop led to a fruitful working association for filmmakers Oniket Alam and Sakib Ahmed. Oniket is a well known short film director, with his films ‘The Professionals’, ‘The Wish’ and ‘The Return’ winning laurels at different international film festivals. Sakib, on the other hand, has tried his hand in TV direction with his comedy ‘Sattar Driver’, being a popular hit amongst the masses and drama ‘Ami, Tumi Aar Orpon’, being critically acclaimed for its deft direction and storytelling.
The filmmakers have been working on a feature film from the last two years, with Oniket at the helm as the director and Sakib donning the hat of a producer. The film, tentatively titled ‘Kora Rowd’, deals with the issue of sexual harassment, a subject that both filmmakers feel should be talked about more.
“Being an independent film, we faced a number of constraints in finding the right investors for ‘Kora Rowd.’ We had gone to several NGOs, as we thought that they’d be interested in investing in a movie with such a strong social message. But as we learnt, NGOs rarely give money to these kind of ventures and even if they do, it’s at the end, after the funding process is over,” says Sakib wryly.
While Sakib’s realisation to be a filmmaker was a sudden epiphany, Oniket learnt gradually that filmmaking is the profession that he had to pursue.
“In my village in Shatkhira, there was limited supply of electricity, and so there was no scope of watching TV. Whenever I would hear my grandmother tell me stories, I would spin the related images in my head. And then when I got older, we would watch movies on the national Indian channel, Doordarshan. But I never could watch the whole movie, as I had to complete my studies or run some errands. Even while I was studying, my mind would wander to the film that I had left incomplete. Gradually, I realised that filmmaking was the profession that I wanted to pursue,” says Oniket.
“I had ticked Film as one of my International Baccalaureate courses. So I went to my film class. In the coming weeks, we went to the Film and Television Institute of India to see films at the National Film Archives. Then came the day when we watched Breathless by Jean-Luc Godard. It was a revelation,” says Sakib.
Sakib and Oniket both agree that the landscape of independent filmmaking has changed over the years. Chunk producers are coming in, says Sakib. Bengal Foundation is coming in with huge promise of 20 films a year, channel i is promoting around six young directors. This interest in developing independent films was not present three to four years back, he adds.
The media too has changed over the years, says Oniket. Earlier, people would think that it’s impossible to make a film without releasing it on a 35mm screen but now a film can be made using a mobile phone, he says.

From TV to FilmsDespite the changes much needs to be done in order to develop the filmmaking scene of the country, they add. Sakib emphasis on the need for better actors.
“There are around 500 directors but 20 actors. We focused on infrastructure and now we at least have access to technology even if we can’t yet avail the exact price range. Our next focus should be on committed actors who understand the craft,” he says.
Even after developing our independent film market, we won’t be able to reach viewers on a wide scale. It’s like Iranian films, where the films are watched globally but not in Iran, says Oniket.
“We need to make our mainstream industry stronger, as until that happens, the independent film industry won’t be able to stand on its feet. If there’s no mainstream media, there can’t be an alternative media,” he concludes.

Despite being a noted scriptwriter and director, Shibu Kumer Shill decided to foray into the risky territory of independent filmmaking when he realised that television was confining to a set convention and standards. Shill was always interested in filmmaking and thought that the media would be the ideal stepping stone to communicate with the mass.
“Once you start writing scripts and directing dramas for television, you limit yourself to certain norms that you can’t easily break away from. You’ll see that a lot of directors who’ve moved from TV to filmmaking are not able to bring something new for the audience. You won’t notice much of a difference in their TV shows and their films,” says Shill.
Shill has directed an acclaimed documentary titled ‘Khowari’, featuring Humayun Faridee, adapted from a short story by Akhtaruzzama Ilias. He is currently working on another directorial venture that he hopes to finish soon.
The independent film movement has definitely seen growth in recent years but the limitations are many and varied, says Shill. In order for independent films to reach the right audience, there is an urgent need for investors and government support. But that doesn’t mean that the government’s role is limited to solely providing subsidies, he says.
“TV channels in Germany commission documentaries and their government provides subsidies. When we put forward the request for proper subsidy allocation, our government says that they are doing as much as they can. They are offering funding and financial assistance, that’s true but who are the benefactors? Many filmmakers take the money, arrange for fake shooting, wait for the assigned inspector to check their work and then pack up after the inspection is over. The government does not even think of following up on the project,” he complains.
Another problem that the film industry of Bangladesh is currently facing is the lack of professionalism, he says. The cameraman, executive producer, cinematographer, everyone needs to be an expert in their respective fields and be given the freedom to work in an independent manner.
“If we want a more developed film industry, we need to keep the doors open for independent films, as those issues that can’t be shown in commercial films can be properly expressed in independent films. But that doesn’t mean that alternative cinema is the only way to go. Commercial films need to be developed not eliminated. When there are bars set on the creative process of filmmaking, be it from the commercial film industry or the alternative film movement, rest assured, we won’t ever be able to go forward,” he says.
Rastar Gonomadhyom
Shekhar Surjomukhi and Tapto Topu were not supposed to be making films. Shekhar was supposed to pursue a profession in theatre and Topu was to follow the path laid out by his alma mater, Ahsanullah University of Science and Technology. However, they were supported by fate in following their dreams of filmmaking.
“After I completed high school, I visited the Satyajit Ray Film Institute in India. I wanted to know the process of application and admission. I was informed that I needed to have a degree in film graduation before I could apply to the institute. I then applied to Shantinektan and got in. But I couldn’t shake off my enthusiasm toward filmmaking,” says Shekhar. Topu remembers being inspired by Ritwik Ghatak’s ‘Jukti Tokko Golpo.’ After watching more movies by some of the greatest filmmakers of the world, he gradually began to realise that films were a reflection of life and society. Through the works of other filmmakers, Topu began to understand that he needed to change focus to filmmaking.

Along with a group of friends and others interested in filmmaking, writing and music, the two formed a socio-political and cultural group called Rastar Gono Madhyom (RAGMA) with the hopes of creating products that would express their independent thought and style of filmmaking.
“We were inspired by Tareque Masud’s vision of ferrying cinema to different parts of the country. RAGMA is a tribute to that vision, as we hope to take our music, writings and films to the people, forcing them to think, to dream, to get those brain cells to work,” says Topu.
The duo will soon release their debut feature film ‘Poton.’ Initially, they thought of approaching TV channels but they were rejected as the channels were not interested in investing in a feature that had no star cast or commercial value. They eventually found a person within RAGMA who was ready to produce the film.

The Child Prodigy“Independent filmmaking is like a relay race. The earlier generation of filmmakers passed it onto us and we hope to pass it onto the next generation. Unfortunately, just like our predecessors, we also have to struggle with producing and releasing good work. The state of the film industry is such that there is no way to go but continue with this struggle with the hope of creating something valuable,” says Shekhar with a smile.The film gives an insight into the lives and dreams of youngsters. ‘Poton’ tells the story of every youngster who hopes of making it big quickly.
“We placed more importance on the image and sound production of the picture, as we think that the plot of a story is not as important in a film, as the image or sound. We need to remember that films are an audio-visual media. Thus, maximum attention should be given to these two aspects,” says Shekhar.
Both Shekhar and Topu believe that with independent films have chances of growing if there’s more variation in mainstream cinema. People will be exposed to different styles and techniques in commercial films, and their tastes will develop accordingly. Thus, they will be able to give more space to independent films.
After ‘Poton’, the duo will concentrate on a documentary on the political condition of the region from 1947 to 2013. They are currently busy with research work of this project as well as with the promotion of their debut film.

For Mohammad Abir Ferdous Mukhor, venturing into films was a natural progression; his father, Md Aftab Uddin, was a theatre artist and his uncle, Samsuddin Kayes, who passed away last year, was a noted film actor. Script narrations and rehearsals were a regular feature of Mukhor’s childhood. From a very young age, Mukhor knew that films would not just be a passing hobby for him but his life and living.
“When I was in class 8, I would direct and organise cultural shows. It is then that a friend suggested that we try our hand in actual filmmaking. I participated in the second International Children Film Festival with a film,” he adds.
Mukhor’s film ’3.2.1.0 Action’ won a Special Prize at the fifth International Children Festival in Bangladesh. Another film ‘Endless Waiting’ was shown in a festival organised by Save the Children, while his short film ‘Search of Water’ won the third position at the Viewer’s Choice Category at the We Are Water Film Festival of Spain.

A Platform for New VoicesMukhor says that filmmaking has become an addiction for him. With a group of his friends, all aspiring filmmakers, he began to spend all his free time directing short films. The young filmmaker, who still has to complete his graduation, has released seven films till date.
“I knew from the beginning that I would be faced with financial constraints if I were to release a film on the big screen. I realised that television would not be the best medium, either, because the aesthetics is very different. Thus, I decided to hit the festival circuits with my films,” says Mukhor.
If there’s a will to make and show good films then financial constraints don’t affect the creative process of a film, says Mukhor.
“There’s more scope now for independent filmmakers to do their work without fearing intervention. Channel 9, for example, is producing a show about independent filmmakers, showcasing their short films and other works. I don’t think financial constraints limit the compass of showcasing your talent,” he says.
Bangladesh has a long way to go before we can be free of professional ineptitude that’s the biggest deterrent in filmmaking. Citing an incident of an editor who was bent on included a picture of the Niagara Falls as a background in one his films, Mukhor says that most people involved with the various aspects of filmmaking are not very interested in developing their craft.
“I clearly remember the said editor proclaiming that this was called editing! People get to see the Niagara Falls in a film set in Bangladesh. What more could they want?” Mukhor laughs.
Mukhor is ambitious about his future. He hopes that his films will contribute in uniting the market for both commercial and art films, thus eliminating the distinction that alienate ‘good’ films from commercial ventures.
“I see my films as my personal canvas. Through my films, I can show what I want to show. The stories are those that I want to narrate, the way I want to narrate them. It’s my show all way through,” he concludes.

Following the tradition set by revolutionary filmmakers like Raihan and Kabir, independent filmmakers of today are interested in making films that allow them to tell their story in their own way. These filmmakers have come out from the prescribed business format that threatens to restraint their vision. They are free to choose their own subject, as they are free from commercial dictation and censorship that would be imposed on them if their films were funded by a studio. Interestingly, in this way, independent filmmakers continue the rebellion started by Zahir Raihan and others more than 40 years ago.

The Playmakers Season-

The third season of “The Playmakers,” a business case cracking competition organised by Dhaka University Marketing Club (DUMARC), ­­wrapped up on October 5, 2013. The finale was hard fought with all the teams coming up with excellent solutions and showing their supreme presentation skills. But it was team Ouroboros with members Novel, Tanu and Rumki, from Department of Marketing, who came on top of the list for their innovative and realistic solutions. They received ten thousand taka as prize money along with the champion’s trophy from Professor Shibli Rubayat Ul Islam, Dean of the Faculty of Business Studies, DU.
Team Suits, from Finance Department, came second, while team Reverie from the same department finished third. The finalist teams were judged by Nazmul Hossain, Assistant Professor of Marketing Department; Muneer Ahmed Khan, Chairman of Unitrend Limited; Herasuddin Mehedi, AGM of BRAC Enterprise; and Sarfaraz Rahman, Managing Director of AMBS Private Limited. Dr. Zakir Hossain Bhuiyan, Chairman of Marketing Department, was also there to encourage the finalists.
Unlike the last two sessions, the competition this time went outside the Marketing Department and became faculty-wide with the participation of students from eight departments. The objective of Playmakers — the flagship competition of Dhaka University Marketing Club, is to promote and encourage students to hone their talents to become future business leaders. Organisers also announced their plans of taking the next instalment of “The Playmakers” competition nationwide.

THE MOST ELIGIBLE COw

“Hello, and welcome to the 2013 edition of The Most Eligible Cow! With your host, Hafiz Mia!”
The camera zooms in on an aging potbellied man waving genially as the crowd goes wild with polite applause. Honest perspiration darkens Hafiz Mia’s panjabi and glints on his smiling face as he turns towards the viewers.

“As-salamu alaykum and Eid Mubarak, dear audience. Every Qurbani it’s always the same, going to the gorur haat, treading through the muck and the hay, trying to buy a cow that doesn’t cost as much as your house… and then you have to take it home and feed it. It’s always so annoying. That’s why every Qurbani we select one lucky member of the audience to come forward and choose a cow to take home, completely free of charge! It’s always a pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, and this year’s cows are real beauties. So without further ado, I’ll call my assistant, the lovely Miss Morjina to come forward (a happy fat woman walks on stage) and choose our lucky guest from the audience!”
Applause. Miss Morjina scans the crowd and points out an elderly, bespectacled gentleman as ‘The Chosen One’. More applause as the gentleman makes his way on stage and introduces himself as Mr. Quader, a garments factory owner residing in Gulshan. “Give him a big hand, ladies and gentlemen” — whoops an ecstatic Hafiz Mia. “Mr. Quader, are you ready to meet the cows?”
“Definitely, I am delighted to be the one to take The Most Eligible Cow home!”
The camera moves towards the stage as three podiums surface out of the ground and with them — the cows. Hafiz Mia introduces them ecstatically:
“Laal Mia! Hopping the border and entering our country just last week, Laal Mia cannot speak a word of Bangla (or English) but what he cannot do with language, he more than makes up for with his sensual moos!” Laal Mia moos noncommittally.
“Contestant number 2! Hailing from Australia, Sir Henry cannot move his neck… or anything at all but he is a walking Beef Bonanza!” Sir Henry stares regally at a point three feet next to Mr. Quader’s hip.
“And last but not least, the only female and the Deshi cow amongst the contestants, Jorina packs a meaty punch not with her size but with the quality of her meat. Bangladeshi cows are known throughout the world as feisty and packing excellent meat, and the lovely Jorina will surely give the others a run for their money!” Jorina chews the cud with the contented air of a cow for whom life has no more to offer.
Mr. Quader beams. “They all look so delicious! How can I choose?”
“That’s where we come in! Each contestant has to pass a series of tests! First, the Rump Slap!” He leads Laal Mia forward. “Smack that rump, Mr. Quader! Hard as a brick! That’s what I call beef!”
“Ow! Hafiz Mia, I’d break my teeth if I tried to eat that! Let me try Sir Henry instead.” Sir Henry’s rump makes a satisfying smacking sound and jiggles temptingly under Mr. Quader’s hand. He nods approvingly and reaches for Jorina, who promptly knocks him down with her horns.
“Oi! Bad cow! Bad!” A procession of lungi-clad moustachioed men march on to the stage, bearing sticks. “Get her out of here!” As the feisty Jorina is led away, she gamely tries to murder a few of her handlers. “Are you okay, Mr. Quader?”
“… Never better. What year is it?”
Since Jorina can’t be kicked out of the contest just yet (the Bangladeshi sponsors are rather strict), she is moved to a corner of the stage away from the camera.
“Now it’s time for the teeth test!” — announces Hafiz Mia.
“Mr. Quader, would you please check the teeth of Sir Henry?” Morjina motions towards Sir Henry.
With the deft hands of a man who is used to handling cows at gorur haat, Mr. Quader parts Sir Henry’s lips with his fingers. All of a sudden Sir Henry’s teeth fall straight onto Mr. Quader’s hand.
“Oh! It seems Sir Henry is showing side-effects of steroid abuse. DISQUALIFIED!” — Hafiz Mia brings his red judging hammer down on a large green button. The podium which Sir Henry is tied to gradually goes underground along with him.
Laal Mia is brought forward to Mr. Quader and this time, he parts the cow’s lips with more care.
“His teeth seem stained… WAIT! These stains, they look rather cryptic. I would like to use our celebrity judge’s opinion, please!” — says an awestruck Mr. Quader.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest tonight as our celebrity judge — Mr. Dan Brown!” announces Morjina waving towards the judges’ table.
“So it seems that we have what it seems to be a very esoteric print on the cow’s lips. I fear that if there was any other man in my position, he would not be able to figure out that this is acute symbolism of what seems to be the male domination over the feminine parts of our society. If you look closely at the arrow-like shape, there seems to be a collection of tiny blots near base of the arrow’s shaft and this clearly signifies the feminine symbol of an orchid. Orchids as we know are flowers, much like roses, which as we all know are an ancient symbol of secrecy: sub rosa, if you will. I would definitely say that this marks the symbolic characteristics of the mother goddess: Gaia, Ishtar, Isis, and so on,” said Dan Brown peering over his spectacles and pointing towards the symbols on his LCD panel.
Hafiz Mia seemed ready to burst with glee. “THERE’S ART ON THIS COW’S TEETH! That’s certainly going to be a huge plus in Laal Mia’s favour, wouldn’t you say so, Mr. Quader?”
“Hmm? Oh, yes, certainly, certainly.” Mr. Quader had the faraway look of a man who was calculating how much such information would be worth on the second-hand cow market.
Hafiz Mia gesticulates flamboyantly towards the crowd. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I think Mr. Quader is about ready to choose the winner! What’ll it be, sir? The feisty Jorina? Or the esoteric Laal Mia?”
“Definitely Laal Mia. No question.”
“And there we have it folks, Laal Mia is The Most Eligible Cow! Congratulations, Mr. Quader! We offer the services of Qashem Bhai and his assistant Chandu” — lungi-clad man and a street urchin appear on stage, armed with sticks — “to lead The Most Eligible Cow to your Gulshan home! Thank you for playing.”

Work on 3 fuel storage tanks at Shahjalal airport stuttering

The construction firm appointed by Bangladesh Petroleum Corporation (BPC) to build three fuel storage tanks at Shahjalal International Airport is yet to complete half of the project despite the deadline being just a couple of months away.
The government took up the project worth Tk 10.86 crore in July 2011 to enhance the main airport’s fuel storage capacity to international standards. It was scheduled for completion in December 2012, but seeing the slow progress, the deadline was extended to December this year. As things stand, that too looks unlikely to be met.
The construction firm—a joint venture between S&H and Next Generation Graphics Limited (NGGL)—has so far completed less than 50 percent of the work, according to Abu Bakar Chowdhury, the project’s supervisor.
Until July 15, the firm had finished only 15 percent of the work, which prompted the BPC to force it to design a definitive work plan. The project was supposed to be complete by August 31 under the plan, but the firm managed only 18-19 percent of the work in that timeframe, Chowdhury said.
The delay in implementation compelled the BPC to consider serving notice on the construction firm, but it ultimately decided not to as the firm sped up its work.
BPC Chairman Eunusur Rahman said: “I wonder how such a company got the job.” Rahman was not in office when the firm was awarded the contract.
Kayum Khan Razu, assistant manager of administration at NGGL, however, asserted that 50 percent of the work has already been done and the remaining 50 percent would be concluded before the December deadline expires.
All equipment have already been imported and are waiting to be released from the Chittagong port, he said.
Asked why their pace of work was slow, he blamed it on the monsoon as “the majority of the work involved piling and it took time to check whether the piling had the capacity to take the load”.
Shahjalal International Airport has just one storage tank of a capacity of 2,700 tonnes, deemed to be insufficient for an airport of its stature. A prolonged strike by river transport workers or countrywide shutdown leaves the airport in danger of running out of fuel.
“With the political situation getting worse, we always remain in apprehension that any non-stop strike or blockade might hamper the fuel supply, and thus obstruct the operation of aircraft,” said an official of Padma Oil, the aviation fuel supplier.
“All airlines operating from Dhaka more or less refill their aircraft here. If the reserves of aviation fuel are not sufficient, the airlines may be exposed to hazards,” the country manager of a foreign carrier said, preferring not to be named.
Under the project, three fuel storage tanks, each having 2,500 tonnes of fuel storage capacity, will be constructed.